My tongue is in my hand…

Archive for July 2008

So far this summer:

Took Natalie to Movies in the Park in Locust twice and saw the Bee Movie and Shrek 3 and bought and consumed between 3 adults and 1 two year old approximately 4 bags of popcorn, 3 bags of cotton candy, 2 snow cones, 2 bags of M&M’s, sweetarts, a nerds rope, and 15$ worth of McDonalds

Took Natalie to the Lake Tillary and spent the day at the sandbar with Dad and there is surprisingly little to say except it was really nice and Natalie had a blast

Went to Oakboro 4th of July Parade and festival and watched Natalie “drive” a blue jeep several times and saw a guy wearing white high tops, tapered leg stonewash jeans with a white wife-beater tucked in to them and a blonde mullet!

Took Natalie to the Lazy 5 Ranch and realized I am kind of scared of ostriches and let a big deer-like animal lick my hand and saw the cutest little baby pigs and poor Natalie got scared by a peacock flying over her but otherwise had a good time

Went to Book Club at Sharon’s (June: Sunday’s at Tiffany’s and Tulle Little Tulle Late) and Alicia’s(July: Friday Night Knitting Club) where the power went out for no apparent reason and we realized we have been exclusively reading the same books and meeting to discuss them (and eat, and talk) for a year now! Happy Anniversary to Book Club! Haley said we’re celebrating with Margarita’s at our next meeting 😉

Went to my cousin Lexy’s wedding and wore a dress I bought on clearance for 7$ right before I found out I was pregnant and had not yet worn and finally just decided that if it was still too tight I would just have to get over it because it’s not baby weight when your kid is two and half and only after I put it on and started moving around (to walk out the door) did I realize that I really wished I had some double sided tape because it was pretty low cut and pretty much one of the last things I want to do is flash one of my cousins or great uncles (which I managed not to do, yay me!)

Met Julie R. for coffee and realized she also LOVED the Romeo and Juliet with Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio and also LOVED the soundtrack J

Went to see The Dark Knight at 11pm on a Sunday night with Jason which made me feel like I was 16 again because it’s a pretty uncommon occurrence to be able to get someone to sit (thanks Amanda) on a 30 minute notice at 11pm on a Sunday night. I somehow only ate ½ my box of Milk Duds, which is nothing short of amazing, as the whole box is usually gone before the movie actually starts

Went to Katie’s graduation party at my cousin Stephanie’s at watched Natalie’s cousin drive her around in a Barbie jeep and it reminded me of my cousin Julie driving us around in this go kart that broke down like every other week

Ate at Troutman’s with the whole aunt/uncle/cousin crew which is a throwback to younger, pre boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/children days and rehashed the most painful and funny ways to fall off of objects (such as sleds) tied to motor powered objects (such as 4 wheelers and cars)

Went to my first keg party…which I’m sure is a little different with mainly almost 30’s instead of barely 20’s but still had a lot of fun and found the dumbest things hilarious, as alcohol manages to help you do and also managed not to die of boredom while talking about houses and other stuff that may or may not interest me at a party

Went to best-friend-since-kindergarten Carol’s house and sitting with her on her porch swing watching Natalie run around her yard it somehow felt like we were still kids, maybe 8 or 10. And the most bizarre thing, we have the same comforter set.  I just started laughing when I saw it in her bedroom, sometimes it’s like those twins that have been separated at birth but still like the same music and food and clothes. We picked the same weekends for our weddings and colors for bridesmaids dresses. So I guess it’s not really that bizarre that we have the same comforter set.

Went to Alicia’s and watched…hold on…foggy memory here…watched a UFC fight? Or watched people play horseshoes and Wii? All of it? Drank too much I do believe of whatever it was that Alicia mixed for me…so I don’t remember much, but it was fun, always is!

part two up next…

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If Natalie had an iPod, her playlist would look something like this:

*’s indicate she knows the whole song by heart

Disclaimer: I am not the only person she listens to music with, so this does not necessarily directly or accurately portray my personal tastes, although it is varied in genre, which is actually very similar to me…hmm

Our Song*

Picture to Burn*

Should’ve Said No -Taylor Swift

One Fine Wire* (which she calls the “walking song”)

Bubbly*

Realize

Feelings Show – Colbie Calliat

Won’t Back Down

Free Fallin –Tom Petty

New Soul* – Yael Naim

Fake It (Radio edit) – Seether

Killa – Cherish

Way You Are – Timbaland (which she calls the “chicken song” because the part “like you just the way you are” apparently sounds like “chicken” to her and it took me forever to find out what she was talking about until one time I was channel surfing and she yelled “The chicken song! That’s what I’m talking bout!” )

I Wanna Go Home – Blake Shelton

Like This – Mims

See You Again – Miley Cyrus

All The Same – Sick Puppies

You – Britt Nicole

Clumsy – Fergie

Nothing You Are- Mandy Moore

Nothin Better to Do – LeeAnn Rimes

Last Name – Carrie Underwood

Angels Watchin Over Me* ( her bedtime song)

Twinkle Little Star*

ABC’s*

London Bridge*

It’s Raining It’s Pouring*

It takes an intense amount of humility and courage to look at yourself in the mirror and acknowledge you need help and then turn around and look at someone else and ask for it.

So often, people view strength as someone who doesn’t need help. But that’s such a false concept, because we all need help in one way or another. We all need support. We all need. We are not self sufficient. And when we try to be we expect too much of ourselves from ourselves and do not ask for enough from others.  In turn, we do not offer enough to others.

I think of suburban America when I think of this because each family is supposed to exist on their own and any help needed or used is paid for which completely depletes the sense of community that can come from the give and take between people.

To acknowledge we are complementary beings. Part of a masterpiece. There is something bigger than us. Bigger than the day to day. Bigger than what we can see in our foresight or hindsight. Bigger. We are part of something bigger. Isn’t that a relief?

When there’s a split, what’s better, to be the one staying or the one leaving?

If you stay you have to sit with the ghosts that wander the halls and seats. But you get to keep some familiarity of place. And maybe, with time those ghosts will be replaced and the sadness will be a weak undercurrent to a tidal wave of joy and you will be able to say you stood through it all.

If you leave, you have the opportunity to start fresh and it’s much easier to navigate through halls uncluttered, to build something completely new, reinvented. But you will sometimes miss that home, that place that knew you for so long. Because those halls are cluttered, but it’s not all bad. Sometimes the blankness of a new canvas is blinding, or sad. But in the end, you can look back and think of starting from scratch and all it took and all it means to have created something new.

Sometimes, I look at Natalie and I start to think about all the things I hope to teach her and I’ll start freaking out because I’ll realize there are so many things I want to teach her that I don’t know or know how to do and then I just start to think that my daughter is going to be screwed up because of me and my shortcomings and on and on I go with these worries. And then to think about all the life things that I want to prepare her for or protect her from or at least help her deal with the best way possible and I don’t know if I will know how or if I will even know when they happen to her and then I worry about what our relationship with be like as she gets older and I worry and worry and worry.

The other day I started the long monologue/prayer in my head and something stopped me and said “faith”. Lord, please, let me teach my daughter faith. Faith and unconditional love. Because if she can see through me what it is to be loved constantly and consistently with no limitations or conditions, she will feel safe and cherished and she will know what it is to be loved and encompassed by God. And if she sees me lay down my worries in faith and trust and hope and belief then she can see that she can lay hers down too. And that will carry her through. And this will enable her to love others, to share hope with others. To be loved and taken care of. To share love and take care of others. To understand and value the spiritual over the material.

Please, please, please let me teach my daughter this.

Music I write to/with/because of: Athenaeum, Lifehouse, The Fray, Creed, Our Lady Peace, Evan’s Blue, The Verdict, In Sepia, Harvard, Seahorses, Matt Browning, Parallel, Mat Kearney, Jason Isbell, Jack’s Mannequin, Citizen Cope, Dashboard Confessional, Jimmy Eat World, Oasis, Rascal Flatts, Skillet, Jars of Clay, Jeremy Camp, Fuel, Goo Goo Dolls, Angels and Airwaves, Silversun Pickups, Better Than Ezra, James Taylor

Cathartic music: Avenged Sevenfold, Atreyu, Linkin Park, Alexisonfire, Nonpoint, Disturbed, Paramore, Killswitch Engage, Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, Korn, Rage Against the Machine, Limp Bizkit, Saving Abel

Fun Music: MxPx, Paramore, New Found Glory, Outkast, Timbaland, Britney Spears, Dixie Chicks, Cartel, Plies, Jay Z, Ludacris, Flo Rida, Pink, Lauryn Hill, Ying Yang Twins, Sean Paul, Miranda Lambert, Rascal Flatts

Comfort Music: Selah, Lifehouse, Classical, Jazz

Lyrics sound like my poems: Colbie Calliat, Mariah Carey, Lifehouse, Creed, Skillet

Lyrics sound like my life: Faith Hill, Sara Evans

Do we really need to hear 15 times a day about how high gas prices are? This is not news…I mean are they going to start reporting about the color of the damn sky? “Yes Mike, I’m out here on highway 74 and the sky is blue, it looks like it’s just going to stay this way and may get bluer as the summer goes on.” Really? Oh my god I’m so glad I heard this, what would I have done if I went outside and couldn’t decide for myself what color the sky was???

The news just feeds fear and worry with sensationalism. I mean, I don’t think any of us needs any extra reason to feel upset or worried or to be reminded that our bank accounts are about to overdraft next time we fill up. Or was that maybe a little bit sensational, just for effect? Maybe it sucks but it doesn’t mean we have to hyperventilate every time we’re at the pump.

News should be new information. I’m just saying…you know, with new being the root, and pretty much the whole word. Maybe that’s the problem, I’ve just been mislead by the title, maybe if we called it : negative information about your world that you already know but we want to harp on I wouldn’t be bitching.

You know what the best part of news programs are? When they find the crazy people to interview who totally over exaggerate or don’t know what they’re talking about, or make noises to emulate gunshots or car crashes and have like no shirt on, or dip in their mouth, or curlers in their hair. Now that’s worth watching!