My tongue is in my hand…

Archive for April 2008

Posted on: April 17, 2008

we use prayer the wrong way far too often: either as a wish list type communication, asking specifically for things we want and need, or as a way to try to have control of our lives, as if through prayer we can ward off the bad things. Both of these tactics set us up for disappointment and do not actually accomplish much in the way of spirituality or faith. Because guess what? It doesn’t work that way, and when it doesn’t and you’ve been banking that it does, you are going to be mad at God. You are going to want to give up on faith. Or you are going to think maybe you just weren’t faithful enough, maybe it is some kind of punishment for your lack of faith.

When we pray, we should be seeking communion with God. We should be thinking more towards changing the internal aspects of ourselves instead of the external aspects of our lives. If we can calm our spirits, change our perspectives, develop our faith in a way that makes up capable to face the battles and demons of our lives, then we are getting somewhere. If through prayer, we understand our selves, our God, our world more, if though prayer we unlock the powers in our depths, and begin to see the purpose in our existence, then prayer is active, it is relative, it is transformative. If through prayer, we become a person more capable of being the best version our ourselves, then though prayer, we become the changing forces of our lives.

We underestimate prayer and we underestimate God when relegate them to the little boxes we were taught somewhere along the way that they fit it to. how ridiculous, how inane, how wasteful we can be…

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i’ve been chasing ghosts tonight, wasting time, i don’t know why i do that to myself…it depletes me, my eyes glaze over, my head swims. I just kind of float off, almost become ghost like myself. Too much searching, watching, waiting, wanting. not enough doing.

there is so much sadness in a given day, in a given life.

coincidence is the most worthless concept

why would we keep going if it was all hit or miss

if it never makes sense?

if there’s no point, no interconnecting web to weave us all together?

because if there is a web, then everything matters, everything has meaning, everything a place, a purpose.

i can’t afford to buy coincidence, no…i really really can’t.

tonight is the last night of my impromptu vacation. dinner was bread with butter and parmesean from last night, white wine and mousse…then red wine, now beer and cheddar popcorn. Also projectplaylist…fun, fun, fun.

you know who i loved when i was growing up? the beach boys. yep. sure did. but not putting them on the playlist, because really not interested in hearing them on a regular basis…

soooooooooooooooooooooooo really have to go to bed now because vacation or not, there is a two year old to take care of in the morning 🙂

Language

Posted on: April 1, 2008

A language is a system of visual, auditory, or tactile symbols of communication and the rules used to manipulate them.-wikipedia def.

I love language. This is why I love reading, why I love music, why I love hearing people’s stories, history, conversation, writing. The words we choose to define ourselves, to describe our lives, shape us and the way we see ourselves, the way we see others, the way we see the world. When you read a story (fiction or non) words are given to a story, the words given, the language, shape how the reader takes the story, along with what ever the reader has within them to shape their take on the story as well. Depending on how you feel about discussing stories and language, you would either love or hate to take a lit class with me. I love discussion.

I search for my self (and people I know) in stories, in lyrics, in music. I like to see how someone else describes love, hurt, loss, fun, motherhood, friendship, family, sex, marriage…it feeds my language for my story, for my life. This is why I’ll write dozens upon dozens of poems, letters, and journals about the same thing…I just want to find the right words…I don’t have to resolve anything, I just need to know what it is, what words go with it.

With music, I like how the instrumental part shapes the way you take the words. You can take the same lyrics and put it with different instrumentals and it feels different. Though it’s about the same thing at the core, it looks different, it sounds different, it makes you feel different because of the language that presented it. And when there are no lyrics, there are images, scenes acted out in my mind, landscapes, colors, lighting…. How many songs are about loss, heartbreak, cheating lovers, and “the one”. How many different ways can we say the same thing, century after century is defined only by how many people say something about it…I love the interconnectedness of humanity through language, through music…