My tongue is in my hand…

Archive for February 2011

Grace is sufficient.

My grace is sufficient for you.

 

There are no shortcomings, nothing is uncovered. It all falls under grace, within the realms of my reach.

There is no worry when you believe.

 

Believe believer, believe.

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It’s been hard lately to get some quiet. And when I get it, I end up staring at the tv like a zombie, reading other people’s blogs, or just sleeping instead of being by myself and writing. There are other things to do, but damn it, I’m tired of them. I’m tired of trying to keep up with shit. And being sick and taking care of someone else who is sick doesn’t help. My brain is a bunch of slosh, I can’t make conversation, I can’t make decisions. I just don’t effing care.

Also, I keep forgetting that I don’t have to play the waiting game anymore with the bills. Well, I kind of do, but I can really start being more proactive now that we have an actual income that can actually pay for things in a fairly decent manner. I’ve been so used to just not looking at the bank account and just not paying things because there WAS NO MONEY that I need to get it back together a bit. I’ve given myself till the end of April. By then we will have several months at this income plus our income taxes. We should have it manageable by then, though we will still have to deal with some collection agencies and stuff, all the “real” bills should be caught up, except the house, but we should have that at least looking better, possibly with a modification in the works…I keep thinking about how we will treat our money now, how we will spend it, how we will save it. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind and I really want things to calm down a bit so I can get my footing.

I need more time by myself. I’ve had a lot of good writing flow through my head, a lot I need to get set down upon something so it can build…

There are some things to be put into motion, I have to pull the drive out from within, buried under all the clutter of the day to day, all the expectations I can’t live up to that bring me down. I have to shake those things off so the rest can have room for air and light. So I can keep moving towards that person that I long to be, that I already am within. That person has to live. That person can not give in.

But it’s so easy to give in. It’s so easy to get tired, to get stuck, to get caught up.

I pray for help lifting the veil that weighs heavy over me. Move spirit move. I am free. Let me be.

Dolls

Posted on: February 12, 2011

fuuuuuucccckkkkkk

That’s what I was thinking today when I was driving home. I can’t really remember why now, but I just remember imagining it visually, just like I typed it above.

Anyways, while I was in morning meeting today, I was thinking about how this one woman kind of looks like a doll and then I realized they all looked like dolls and everything started looking like it could be part of a doll house/miniature scenes, and when I was driving, it looked like everything could be…

Ramble

Posted on: February 9, 2011

I am not correctly broken right now. There is too much structure. I need movement. I need to breathe.

Even in my writing, I need to breathe. I need to free associate. I need to ramble and just write.

So, perhaps I will.

Very soon.