My tongue is in my hand…

tightropes, psychics, ringmasters, clowns and spectators; what it’s all about under the Big Tent

Posted on: July 4, 2008

it always comes back to balance and maintaining perspective when you want to get the most out of life that you can.

understanding that life is precious and unpredictable, many aspects of it out of our control, and our time with it is without guarantee ,we decide – live in the now, take a chance, have some fun. but the other side of the coin is this: all of our highways intersect so we can’t just drunk drive our way through, living unbridled and unthinking because not only are there others to consider, but also, life can be long. long, long, long. you can live a few dozens little lives in your lifetime. so you have to kinda think ahead. you have to kinda think about the consequence. you have to weigh it out. you have to keep perspective. you have to balance. i was telling a friend just the other day how sometimes i ask myself what the 80 year old version of me would say about something. would they say they wish i had just let it be, just taken the chance, would they say i should have thought it out, i should have held on harder?

it’s like that fwd that gets passed around about something an old lady said when she was dying or dead or something about how she wouldn’t have worried about cleaning her house so much or about work and such. The first time i read it i was like thank you, now people, stop wasting your time and energy on things that don’t matter. but i read it again, probably after having moved out on my own and thought yea…but you have to care a little, you have to be a little responsible, a little prepared. you just can’t walk around smelling flowers and calling in sick to work everyday.

because hey, I’m the first to say I could care less about cleaning or paying bills or doing anything responsible and boring because i guess at heart i’m still “hippie” from 5th grade walking around in my bell bottoms and braided hair, just doing whatever the hell i want because i can. but at the same time i do have in my veins the blood of farmers and factory workers who place practicality and resourcefulness far above doing whatever the hell they want. because that really doesn’t get you too far. And along with this comes the fact that we appreciate things much more when they are worked for or are indulgences as opposed to ways of life. in Little House on the Prairie, Laura describes typical christmas gifts as a candy cane, piece of fruit, and maybe a small handmade item. i bet that was a really good candy cane. i bet it took a few days to eat. and i bet that fruit was so satisfying. and i bet that handmade whatever was beloved. i remember thinking i wish i could get excited about a candy cane.

that was a bit of a tangent. anyways, the more indulgent we are of ourselves and our lives not only do we lose the excitement of having something special, but we also lose the balance. the same way balance is lost if everyday is about work and chores and every penny is practically placed and nothing’s being enjoyed, no risks are being taken.

it’s also about understanding what we can control and what we can’t. we can be reasonably prepared for things that may reasonably happen to us, but we can not in any way prepare for what will happen to us. because we don’t know. and we can shape and improve our reactions, our coping skills. we can gather up things to carry within us, faith, love, good memories, lessons learned, knowledge. we can love others and help others, but we can’t control others, we can’t control anything outside of us. we can’t control it and we can’t expect to always be prepared for it. but we can harness everything within us to handle it. and we can ask for help. and we can offer help.

balance is hard to achieve. healthy perspective is too. i think because no one is letting us in on the secret that we need these things. so we don’t know, until it is blindingly obvious.


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