My tongue is in my hand…

Archive for August 2008

Posted on: August 24, 2008

Months ago, a friend asked me what word came to mind when I thought of him.  I said “seeker”.  He said for me, “redemption”.

I guess together we are redemption seekers.

hungry

Posted on: August 24, 2008

Great. My dreams last night, long involved things. W.G., S.X., M.C.B., church, R.B., Germany, mom, toys, Natalie, and T.T.?

I am just so hungry. Maybe school will help. I don’t know how to satisfy the hunger and maintain what already is because that is hard enough to maintain. Half the time, I don’t even know how to do that. And it makes me so tired. But I want to feel and live the rest. And what else can I say without it sounding exactly how I know it’d sound?

veins

Posted on: August 22, 2008

let me preface this with:

I do know how, it the grand scheme of things, fortunate I am

now,

I am aching for what I see just out of reach, always out of reach, always has been. I still haven’t found a way to write it out without sounding ungrateful, unhappy. Thin lines here, thin lines. I need this so badly, always have, but it never seems that way, and I’m not sure what it is that explodes and rushes and aches but never gets precedence.

I have said before,

I don’t know if here or elsewhere,

about farmer blood

and gypsy blood.

Posted on: August 13, 2008

I do think we are more alike than we are different.  I think we don’t always tap into all of our attributes and abilities, we don’t always venture into ourselves enough to see this, but we are.  If we strip down, open up and honestly evaluate, we really, really are.

Posted on: August 13, 2008

Manna.  I believe in Manna.

mechanics

Posted on: August 6, 2008

I try to make sure the people I love know I love them.  I try to never let my anger or hurt or disappointment put a barrier between us, because I know the mechanics of death are too simple. One second you’re alive, the next you’re dead.  You don’t always get to say goodbye or clear the air.  You can’t add on time, you can’t take back hateful words.  And though, most likely, the people you love know you love them, you have to live with these doubts, this guilt…If only I…  I wish I’d…. And it’s just so much easier to let it go before it’s already gone.

when it all falls down, when it’s all lost, i don’t know that there is such a thing as recovery…how can you recover the destroyed and lost?  i think you can just regroup, rebuild, renew, reinvent, remember, redesign, recharge, recycle. recover fragments to use for these things, but recover as in get it back to the way it was? can’t. just can’t.  like volcanoes and tornadoes, floods and hurricanes; droughts, blizzards.  landscape changes and though with time it may appear the same, it’s not. river in a different route, that kind of thing. same with people. that’s why we should pay attention.  everything is mirrors.