My tongue is in my hand…

Archive for September 2010

mmm…it’s been too long since I’ve written. I have no good excuses. My mind has been…too busy, too restless, too undefined lately. I haven’t had words, just this nasty uneasiness that makes me feel like I need to claw myself out of my own skin…but no words. So I read a book. And I listened to some different music. And it rained. I love cool rainy days.

It makes me want. And wanting is good, it’s better than that weird, wordless feeling. Wanting is wanting something, it has a focus. Sometimes I’m just off, unfocused on anything and I can’t find anything to do with that.

Sometimes there are just too many interruptions, not enough uninterrupted time…

And the wanting…sometimes it’s just the same old thing, the same pull, but it never gets old. Even when I tell myself it’s old- it’s fresh, it’s full, it’s insistent. I’ll pretend that it’s done, it doesn’t exist, and when it comes back I’m so relieved that it does still exist.

I keep vacillating…I need…I want…I love…

Find me, love. Come to me. Just for a moment or two. I miss you…



Posted on: September 19, 2010

I had this dream. I was in a cave. I had gone there with a group and then went back on my own. The most vivid part of the dream was this vision of me lowering myself from a rock into a deep pool of water in the cave. It was cool and clear and beautiful. It felt like it was the most right thing I had done, like I was in some kind of paradise.

I want to find that cave, that pool.