My tongue is in my hand…

Alice Moment re: playing games-little revolutions blog

Posted on: July 9, 2008

In the movie Alice in Wonderland, Alice states that it is so easy to give advice, but she never seems to be able to take her own. I do that all the time. Like with this:

So it only took me 4 days to realize how what I wrote about in the playing games-little revolutions blog was exactly what I’m doing with church. Even though looking back, I think it was absolutely necessary to leave, all things considered, it’s been 4 years, and my reason for not being at church is different now. And now, now I keep thinking that I don’t know if I can go back to really being part of a church because I can’t put up with all the problems I have with the way churches are ran, with the way people approach and behave regarding church and that brand of Christianity and some of the ideals and ideas…but at the same time I miss the fellowship, the fun times, the feeling of sitting quietly in a sanctuary with others, of sharing a hymnal and lifting voices in shared praise of a community who, despite all the trappings of a political machine/business, is based on belief and love.

What I need to do is obvious, I have to be active in church or I can’t say anything about it. That’s like the person who won’t vote, but complains about the results. Or the person who says they have a headache but won’t take a Tylenol. I’ve always been kind of a “if you don’t like it, do something about it and if you’re not going to do something about it than don’t complain” kind of person. So, if I want to bitch and moan about the state of the Christian church than I damn well better get myself into a Christian church and start making my point. (Not dwelling on the use of curse words is obviously a point I would like to make somewhere along the lines, J) The thing is, I have something to say (not always with words, you know) and what a waste to half ass it by never really being where it can reach it’s most ideal audience.

This issue is complicated (or maybe simplified) by several things. One, being that my husband and I both stated we would not be part of the church I grew up in (and we met and married in!) until things changed. Well, the church has split, so it’s changed, but not in the direction we had hoped or wanted; cue Rolling Stones music: “You can’t always get what you want…”.

So, Two, the church split. Couldn’t go back if we tried (which we weren’t). One side: my family, some friends and people who’ve known me all my life, and over a hundred years worth of heritage as well as my whole youth and adolescence, with a traditional, conventional take. Which is cozy and comfortable and all but I’m telling you now that I won’t be satisfied making crafts with the ladies group. My mom loves stuff like that. It’s right up her alley, she likes to be crafty and thoughtful and behind the scenes. That is her gift and good thing because it’s not mine and someones’s got to do sweet things like that. And she’s got to do something that she feels good about. So that works, for her and for others. But not for me. And that’s kind of what I’d be set up with there. Other side: My youth pastor (the only person I ever considered a mentor), my best friend, many other friends and people who’ve known me my whole life, and a more community based, lets get out there and make a difference and get our hands dirty approach. That’s me! That’s me!

But did you catch the part about my family and heritage and all that on the other side? Yea, and it was a kind of ugly split.

So, on to Three: kind of need a place my husband and Natalie and I comfortable and part of as a family and he’s very interested in casual, contemporary kind of services so we have one picked out to try, but haven’t yet and now he’s back on 3rd so getting him up is going to be harder than before (and it wasn’t easy in the first place). I’m thinking all this may mean we’ll (or I’ll?) take part in several churches which is an interesting idea though much different than I ever imagined as a child (but isn’t everything) and it’s not like I had ever imagined not being part of a church. So, there it lies tonight. We’ll see where it goes.

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1 Response to "Alice Moment re: playing games-little revolutions blog"

Stunning, I did not heard about that up to the present. Thx!!

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