My tongue is in my hand…

Late Nite Cold Medicine Quiet

Posted on: February 19, 2011

It’s been hard lately to get some quiet. And when I get it, I end up staring at the tv like a zombie, reading other people’s blogs, or just sleeping instead of being by myself and writing. There are other things to do, but damn it, I’m tired of them. I’m tired of trying to keep up with shit. And being sick and taking care of someone else who is sick doesn’t help. My brain is a bunch of slosh, I can’t make conversation, I can’t make decisions. I just don’t effing care.

Also, I keep forgetting that I don’t have to play the waiting game anymore with the bills. Well, I kind of do, but I can really start being more proactive now that we have an actual income that can actually pay for things in a fairly decent manner. I’ve been so used to just not looking at the bank account and just not paying things because there WAS NO MONEY that I need to get it back together a bit. I’ve given myself till the end of April. By then we will have several months at this income plus our income taxes. We should have it manageable by then, though we will still have to deal with some collection agencies and stuff, all the “real” bills should be caught up, except the house, but we should have that at least looking better, possibly with a modification in the works…I keep thinking about how we will treat our money now, how we will spend it, how we will save it. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind and I really want things to calm down a bit so I can get my footing.

I need more time by myself. I’ve had a lot of good writing flow through my head, a lot I need to get set down upon something so it can build…

There are some things to be put into motion, I have to pull the drive out from within, buried under all the clutter of the day to day, all the expectations I can’t live up to that bring me down. I have to shake those things off so the rest can have room for air and light. So I can keep moving towards that person that I long to be, that I already am within. That person has to live. That person can not give in.

But it’s so easy to give in. It’s so easy to get tired, to get stuck, to get caught up.

I pray for help lifting the veil that weighs heavy over me. Move spirit move. I am free. Let me be.

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2 Responses to "Late Nite Cold Medicine Quiet"

Income taxes are saving a lot of people for a quick minute lately… :/ Glad to hear that you’re getting back up on your feet. πŸ™‚ And good to see you writing again. I’m already crossing my fingers for another book. πŸ˜‰

πŸ™‚ I’m sure there will be another one in the future. It did me a lot of good to put that one together.

Also, I’ve been writing over on this blog: http://howhonest.blogspot.com/
as well, if you don’t see me posting here, I’m probably posting there… πŸ™‚

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