My tongue is in my hand…

Purgatory

Posted on: May 18, 2011

Sometimes, there is just this restlessness. I don’t know what to do with it. I feel antsy and trapped. I feel like I can never really breathe, like I’m waiting for something…something to set me free. I feel like I have no place to be. I feel groundless, but not in a way that is okay.

I feel like I’m just biding my time until I can do what I’m really supposed to be doing. Nothing fits, nothing feels right, there is an unrest. I don’t know what to do with that, where to go with that. It unravels me. It makes me feel not okay with no rhyme or reason to why, or what, or how. I feel like there is something upon me that I need to shake off and I’m too apprehensive to do this, too fearful of the repercussions. Fearful maybe that I will shake the wrong thing off? Or do it the wrong way, at the wrong time? I don’t know, I just don’t feel well.

Part of me wants to crawl into bed and call in sick (from my whole entire life) but the other part of me is pushing me to keep trying to figure this out.

I’m afraid it will end with me breaking down in a parking lot somewhere.

Maybe that’s what I’m supposed to do?

And I don’t know why I have to write it out, I don’t know why I have to post it. But I do. Ridiculous.

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2 Responses to "Purgatory"

Because you have to post it, bex. It’s not ridiculous. It’s you sending that energy somewhere safe to where even by just a hair you have less of it to carry because it’s written down.

You have got so much extra energy, so much extra self I think when you experience things you get more of it than most people, at that means the good, but also means you feel the whole all encompassing bad just the same. You’ve got a beautiful way though- of translating all that overflow, all that excess, bursting self of yours into something real and solid and you, outside of you.

You’re spreading you out. And your mind appreciates it.

As does your old, neglectful fan…

Who just got the internet turned on in his new duplex. Just today.

mmmm, congrats on the new duplex, and the internet…it’s nice to see you around đŸ™‚

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