My tongue is in my hand…

Posted on: April 21, 2010

Okay, I am a little inebriated right now, eating reeses cereal right now of the box (which is very good, by the way). I don’t want to sound like a complainer, but lately that’s what I am. I’d rather it come out than stay in. So…I really really really dislike my job. Seriously. It’s too much. Then Natalie threw up 2x today, I don’t know if I’ll have to take PTO (again) to address it and I just can’t do everything. The thing is though, I don’t really care. I don’t think. I don’t know. I hate hating my job.

I don’t want to clean. I don’t want to cook. I don’t want to do anything but drink and eat and create and be with people I love/like/enjoy. And that’s probably normal. I mean, who wants to clean or cook or work, right? But why do people act like it’s so important, like it’s just what you do because you are an adult. I think adults shouldn’t give up on life so easily and pretend to care about such shitty things. Just sayin. Maybe most adults are just lying to themselves. I like to ask myself what elderly me has to say about what current me is doing and generally she doesn’t give a shit about work or cleaning or any “grown up stuff” and she pretty much thinks current me shouldn’t waste too much energy trying to be part of the world anyways. It makes me depressed though, and lonely. Like you can’t be an intelligent, capable person who thinks most of the things most people spend most of their time on is worthless…to believe that we should all spend more time doing what we want, what we love, what we enjoy. Why is that childish? Why is that naive? Why isn’t that smart. Who gets to dictate “smart” anyways?

I hate my job. I hate cleaning. I hate cooking. I hate bills. I hate money. I hate certain expectations of motherhood (though I do not at all hate being a mother). Sometimes I hate Christianity (not God, not Jesus).I kind of hate society in general. I hate capitalism. I hate stupidity. I hate following the leader. I hate when people don’t think for themselves. I hate unrealistic deadlines that people actually expect you to meet.

I don’t hate Law and Order or The Office or Chelsea Lately or The Colbert Report or Taco Bell or Natalie or Bodie or anyone in my family, or any of my friends or wine or food or water or coffee or the internet or art or poetry or music or love or God.


2 Responses to ""

Wow. I’m sorry. I’m gonna have to come back and reread this one because right now I’m laughing too hard. All I took from it so far was the first paragraph in which you said Natalie threw up 2x.

2x. Twice right?

I saw 2x and I imagined her executing a combo like… I dunno street fighter or something, and she was throwing up, but with 2x POWER!

I’m laughing. I’m not even inebriated. luuuulz.

I love you Bex. If you wanna talk, I’m just a text away. =)

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