My tongue is in my hand…

Posted on: February 10, 2010

Today…I just don’t know. The day itself was fine. A little nervewrecking still learning new things with this new position, but once I got to my in laws to pick up my daughter, I started losing it. By the time I was in my driveway staring at my headlights on my garage door, I just started to cry. To face the night at home just seemed like too much to ask of me. As I let Bodie (the dog) out to pee I crouched down by the car and just started crying. I don’t know.

I got rid of a good bit of wine tonight (1/2 a glass of which I spilled). I made a casserole and brownies. Fed, bathed, and cuddled Natalie. Read stories, watched a movie and sent her to bed. Did dishes and laundry. Talked to my dad and husband on the phone. Mopped up the spilled wine. Took a muscle relaxer. Got on here and browsed around…I want to create, I want to write letters, but I feel- whatever I feel. Incapable apparently.

The morning comes far too soon. I wish the night stretched on so much longer than it does. I’m not ready to do this all again.

And yes, I realize this post is unfortunately close to another depressing post. It seems I am only managing  to push something out when  I’m off…

But who knows what tomorrow may bring.

I’m heading off to slip into a warm, quiet sleep now…to be somewhere between today and tomorrow.

Til then –

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1 Response to ""

Awe… *hug* I’m sorry bex…

Wish I could help. Guess the wine will have to do for now eh? …
Just don’t ever forget that you’re awesome and if you dig inside yourself… you’re going to find that out of anyone in the world that it could happen to (at least anyone that I know) you are the best emotionally equipped to get through it, and well.

Drop me a line anytime if you want to talk. Really.

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