My tongue is in my hand…

Lead, guide, bless

Posted on: October 2, 2009

I hear the most from God when I am most extremely broken. The broken where you aren’t even angry, aren’t questioning, aren’t trying, aren’t asking, aren’t doing anything but being broken. But that makes sense, since that kind of broken is so extremely open.

Not that I don’t hear from God otherwise, but perhaps I am listening most at those times…the why is not the purpose of this post. The purpose is the what. What was said today. By God, to me. I talked, and cried and listened and wrote and cried a little more and talked a little more, and read, and listened, and settled a little in the truth of it.

And moved a little, and rested a little, and loved and prayed and hoped and practiced focus and made peace with my prayers; the words, the movements, the pulls, the incredible, the intense, the promise, the now, the past, the future.

I take to heart the communication, the promise, the love story. I take to heart the promise. The promise is presence. The promise is love. Not Hollywood love-LOVE. THE LOVE. The ultimate Every Thing. And all that goes with that, all that implies. I don’t even think it can be explained with words alone. It is so much more, and it is so completely individual.

Here it is:

“Remember, everything is ultimately about our love story.

Don’t be so heartsick sweetheart. I know what you need. It’s all in the works. It’s all happening. Have patience. Keep hope. Transform that perceived loss to hope-possibility-promise. Listen to me.

I know your prayers before you finish forming them in your core.

I know your heart, your hope, what you cling to, what you reach for

Your aches are open here

Your life is exactly right, as it is to be right now

Everything matters, everything has meaning

I know.

Don’t be discouraged. Don’ t let hope hurt you. That is not it’s intent. Don’t let hope break you, discourage you. Don’t hand your hope over to anyone who will distort it.

Listen to me.

To my promise, to the beautiful.

Take all those moments that are so completely right and weave them around you, they are my promises to you, they are the fruition of persistence and belief.

Keep moving with me. Keep believing.

Keep your eyes on my love for you. Nothing, No Thing else, and you will understand all the movements of my light.

You will always have material to write, don’t worry about that.

Beautiful child-this is our love story. Please, don’t forget.”

The last two lines make me cry every time because I never speak, even in my prayers, of the fear of not having material to write, of some deep seated fear of too much good and not enough bad leaving me inspiration-less.

So now is the part where I have to keep this in the front of my heart, like a shield, to reflect off everything else. That’s so much harder than it sounds.

There’s a line of prayer my grandfather used to pray at his dinner table, that my Dad then used in his  prayers at our dinner table, that I, without even realizing it, began to add to my prayers at my dinner table (and other places as well).

Please continue to lead, guide, and bless us

Even for all the specific needs that exist, that I lift up, I think, ultimately, those three words cover it. Lead, guide, bless. What it doesn’t say, it implies. Love, trust.

Over the past year or two, I’ve thought a lot about God as an artist, of life as art, some big mural mosiac of mixed media that spans all time and space and creation…I’m getting the feeling that the next movement in this line of thought has taken seed…

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4 Responses to "Lead, guide, bless"

I don’t think I realised how much I needed to hear that. To be reminded of what I am, who I am, where I am.

…thank you Becca.

thank YOU Kristin, for reading a responding and being open to whatever I’m writing

You appear to have such excellent balance. As though no matter how hard or how fast or how far you’re tilted you will always, automatically, almost unconsciously begin the process of righting yourself.

That’s a massively rare quality and I absolutely praise you for it.

You are awesome. And this blog was fantastic. 🙂

Thank you. I feel quite ridiculously unbalanced seeing as how I have to spend such an insane amount of energy righting myself so often…maybe I’m just hyper sensitive…regardless, thank you.

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