My tongue is in my hand…

I’m drinking and feeling bitchy

Posted on: July 22, 2009

I hate to sound bitchy or like I think I’m above others, but sometimes it really amazes me how dumb people are, in general, as a whole. Why? Why can I go through a whole day and feel like the smartest person I’ve encountered? To be perfectly honest, it’s tiring. Annoying. My family is tiring, annoying. I am so sick of miserable people. Goddamnit. Even when I’m upset I’m not as miserable as these people. Good Lord help me. I crave certain people, certain conversations…Oh My God Cheetos are good. And so is this $2.97 Merlot. And the Eminem I’m listening to…I’m so super classy tonight. Now what was I going to say before I got distracted by Cheetos? Oh yea, miserable people. Needy people. Shut the fuck up with your whining. I am not inclined to feel bad for you or really give a shit, considering you are ALWAYS  miserable. Just stop. I mean really, if it’s so bad just go ahead a kill yourself already, you know? What’s the point? If everything is as horrible as you say, just give up! That’s why I have to be an optimist. I would most definitely kill myself if I weren’t. Or at the very least be a drug addicted whore. I mean really, if there’s no hope, nothing good, no promise, then WHY THE HELL DID YOU EVEN GET UP THIS MORNING? Why do you continue feeding yourself? Why did you get dressed? Seriously, what are you doing still living if it’s all gone to hell with no hope for redemption? And I’m not saying I think people should commit suicide. I’m saying people should just shut up when they are whining for the 10th year in a row. I mean, I know everyone’s got to whine. What am I doing right now? Everyone worries, everyone vents. But I mean, there should be a limit on it. Or at least crack a joke while you act miserable. It will make me want to kick you in the face just a little less.

I’m getting sad because the cheetos are almost gone. : (. Swizz Beats is on now, I made a hiphop playlist today. Now what was I saying? Oh yea, kicking. I have a kick list. I started this list when I started finding out about all these shitty people that people that I’m helping at work have had to deal with. If you’re on the kick list, it means should I ever see you, I will most likely kick you immediately. I’m too nice to have a shit list. I don’t say shit unless there are extreme circumstances. And besides, what’s a shit list do? A kick list is very specific. If you’re on the kick list, you’re getting kicked. MAN I just ate the last Cheeto. Damnit. They were good.

I just spilled wine everywhere. It got on the wall. Oops. I think I cleaned it up good enough. I defintely giggled.  Jason will surely see it and bitch about it. Because he is like a woman who bitches about stupid shit that no one really cares about. Or perhaps, just things I do not care about. The thing is, there is only so much room inside me to really care about things. And it’s never gonna stupid stuff, because as I pointed out earlier. I’m not stupid. I mean, really, there are other things you could criticize me with: disorganized, distracted, late,  unhealthy, unpolished, undisciplined, etc, but I’m not stupid. I know that for sure.

I’m eating Doritos now, they are not as good as the Cheetos, they are a little stale, but they are serving their purpose. I like to eat when I drink. It completes the experience for me. And Cee-Lo is on now. I do love his voice. I love rap. Rap is great for a poet to listen to. I love the things that flow, that rhyme. Sure, sometimes it’s dumb, but sometimes is is just so freaking incredible. And I just appreciate the flow, the attitude, the honesty, the rhythm.

I’m getting sleepy now. Still have 1/2 a glass left though, so I’m finishing it. You know what I don’t understand? How people can keep being dumb. Do you think that people know they are dumb and just don’t care? Or don’t they know? That would be sad I guess, either way. This song makes me think of middle school (In Due Time, from the Soul Food soundtrack, OutKast feat. Cee-Lo). Middle school wasn’t bad. No school was bad for me. But middle school was actually great. Because you’re able to do stuff, but you have NO responsibilty and are years from it. What good years, 13, 14,  15.  15 was high school, but freshman year…

I’m going in for one more glass of wine. It’s so easy to not care about a hangover when you’re 3 glasses in….I have also moved on to dark chocolate chips (there weren’t very many doritos left…) I do believe I just moved up in classiness for snack food. I know not everyone needs so much time alone, so I really try to just not make a big deal about it, and try to spend time with Natalie and Jason, but OH MY it drives me crazy sometimes. You know, at one point, Jason worked nights and Natalie didn’t talk yet…I of course am glad that Natalie is talking now…not so glad that Jason doesn’t have a job, but you know, no one is happy about that kind of thing…It’s just so weird, I crave certain interactions all day (and don’t always get them), but then other interactions are so damn trying on my nerves and niceness. I just want to say ‘LEAVE ME ALONE. JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, DAMNIT!”. Of course that’s not really very “family” oriented. I’m sure it doesn’t help that my family was very partitioned emotionally, I was almost always able to keep to myself when ever I wanted, for how ever long I wanted. And I was very social, very involved in things outside of the home, but when I wanted to be alone, I could be. I didn’t spend a lot of time being around my family for no particular reason (like meals or holidays).

Alright, I do believe I am drunk enough to stop typing. It’s a good place to be tonight.

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5 Responses to "I’m drinking and feeling bitchy"

Yikes. Am I on the kick list? Eminem *IS* classy, as is cheetos with whine… 😉 We all have these days. Let’s just hope yours doesn’t last longer than that hangover.

Of course you’re not on the kick list Sam! You were on the Blessing List! 🙂

Man I miss cheetos. You know you can’t hardly get em here anymore? They sell the wine by the case though. Like they put it in little cardboard kegs at 4 liters each. It’s horrible stuff though. Tastes awful and gets you drunk with the most amazing hangover-inducing drunkenness ever. It’d be better with cheetos…

I’m actually really glad for this post. Proves that you’re not that almighty emotional titan and that you’ve got those parts of you that just… want to break sometimes. I compare this strangely with Racing Fuel and I can see this as having been just as intimate a moment but it’s an entirely different kind and… I’m not so afraid of it I guess… I suppose it’s that it would seem less precious an intimacy to you…

And yeah. People just need to shut up sometimes.

Dark chocolate chips right out of the bag are fantastic. Oh they make me inSANE thirsty for milk though and I could so easily see that crashing with the wine in my mouth and just turning my stomach before I even swallowed. pfft. 🙂

I’m glad you got to have this day. Because you’re right and you needed it and I wish I could have shared it with you. Though just like Captain Keyboard-Scrambles up there I do hope the hangover isn’t too severe.

… You know I think that one day you’ll be finally so compelled that even as impossible as it all is that you’ll find a way out of there, and that you’ll go and you’ll get into the beyond areas of this world and find with crazy-happy-tearful-thankfulness that there are actually sane, normal, people just like you out there… that you’re not the only one who sees the things that you see and feels the way you feel.

Get some rest, Google hangover cures or something. 🙂

i am proud to say, there was no hangover to cure!

Sheesh I get the absolute worst ones. I feel like death for the next two days. I keep the drinking to a minimum…

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