My tongue is in my hand…

Self Talk

Posted on: May 17, 2009

Sometimes, middle ground is just frustrating. Seeing every side is confusing. I guess that’s where the soundwaves come in. It’s just been so noisy lately. It knots me up, thinking about it. Everything is neverending, but I’m tired of accepting some things. I’m tired of some words I keep using. The line between content and complacent is hard to see. I’m determined to NOT be some things anymore. I’m determined to breathe. I’m determined to claim my life. I’m not a victim. Of anything. I am the champion of my life. Because, quite frankly, if I’m not, no one will be.

I can have peace and acceptance and still push, still desire, still be unsatisfied. I can be content and not be complacent. It’s okay to have whatever I have or to not have whatever I don’t have. I have to decide what I want and push for it. If I am blessed with more than others, I should not dismiss it, but take care of it, utilize it, share it. If someone is somewhere I want to be, I should work towards that place.

It’s okay to be where I am, as I am, right now, and it’s okay to move. It’s not okay to settle. It’s not okay to waste what is laid before me, on me, and in me. It is not okay to strive for others’ expectations. It is not okay to ignore my self. It is not okay to step on, or dismiss others along the way. It is not okay to give up.

It is never okay to give up. Unless giving up is giving it up, to God. Then, it is necessary. It is obvious. It is exactly right. I am (with God in me) fully capable of attaining everything in my heart. That is why it’s there. Fear is an enemy. Doubt is an enemy. They are lies from the great Liar and I will do all I can to refuse them. I refuse them. No fear, no inadequacy, no victim, no settling, no doubt. And it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be broken. Strength is not always about holding it up or holding it in, sometimes it’s about letting it go.

I will rest in the arms of the great Love, I will gather peace and strength and joy from the fountain of living water, from that quiet valley, that still pasture. I will always be able to get to that place. I am always safe. I am sure. I am not afraid. I am not tired. I am not stuck.

I am always loved- fully, passionately, unconditionally, irrevocably, honestly, adoringly, loved. And when I finally, fully embrace that, accept that, ingest that, wear that, live that, believe that, breathe that, and give myself to that, wholeheartedly- I will be completely unstoppable.

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1 Response to "Self Talk"

YEAH! Bex you are a rock!

You are so strong… you could be a withered african starvation victim and still be so incredibly strong just because of your heart and the spirit you’ve got… do you know what that does? Do you know how intensely powerful that is?

THAT IS THE STUFF that moves things in the spiritual world.

For not accepting fear, for not accepting doubt, or dissent, or other people telling you that you can’t, you won’t, or jkust plain shouldn’t, that it’s out of your reach, that it’s beyond your ability, that you don’t deserve it, that you’re inadequate or insufficient to attain what you chase for… for those things bex you have the most ultimate respect from me.

Reading this… I’ve never met anyone who’s got it like you do. Never.

I can’t even believe you exist sometimes I am so grateful that there is someone else who SEES this.

“I am always loved- fully, passionately, unconditionally, irrevocably, honestly, adoringly, loved. And when I finally, fully embrace that, accept that, ingest that, wear that, live that, believe that, breathe that, and give myself to that, wholeheartedly- I will be completely unstoppable.”

That last paragraph is incredible. I reread it over and over again until I had forced myself to weaken at the power of it. We are so… unimaginably blessed…

This post is fantastic. I cherish it. Thank you.

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