My tongue is in my hand…

Find a place to sit in your soundwaves

Posted on: May 14, 2009

So here I go, finally, I don’t have the time I need, but I’ve got to get going with this. Keep moving, right?

Elizabeth Edwards was on Oprah recently discussing her husband’s infidelity. It was the most recent of things I’ve heard people talking about related to relationships. People have all kinds of takes on relationships, particularly marriage. What it is and isn’t. What should and shouldn’t be allowed. Blah Blah.

Here’s the thing, marriage is two people deciding they want the same thing at the same time and they want it with each other at that same time.  Deciding that no matter what else they want, they want that the most. A marriage stays together not because it was “meant to be”, but because the two people in it decide to keep it together. Maybe that just means no one’s decided to leave. Maybe it has nothing to do with love or trust or sex or even, family. It’s just a matter of place. Not about happy, but about where you are.

Deciding to get married is not really about love, it’s about right now. We may love people we never marry because we’re never in the same places. That doesn’t take away from the marriage or from the love. Love is bigger than that.

Marriage and the church have always gone hand in hand. The Bible illustrates the church as a marriage. They are institutions. God is bigger than church. Love is bigger than marriage.

All the “shoulds”, all the “supposed tos”, all the expectations, they are just standards that other people have come up with. When someone comes up with their own standard, one they dug up from the quiet, separate cavity we all have within us (should we seek it), they are dismissed or looked down upon. Because God forbid anyone make their own decisions or think for themselves. We are taught, in some manner, to fear this, to ignore this.

What would happen if we all made our own decisions? What if we all lived lives authentic to our souls? I’m no anarchist. I understand the use of rules. I understand that you can’t trust people any farther than you can throw them. I understand that people will make stupid, selfish, harmful decisions and put others at risk. But that’s not because they are living authentic lives. No, that’s something else entirely.

The thing I think that people don’t understand about making your own decisions, is that it doesn’t mean ignoring everything around you and not consulting others. It’s actually the opposite. To make a good decision, you have to take everything into account. Not just your self, but the world around you, the people around you, the known risks and possible outcomes. And even after all that, it may not turn out how you hoped, but if you really thought about it, you know that’s a possibility. We make our decisions accepting all the possible outcomes, (whether we are conscious of this or not) hoping for the one we want the most.

People are so judgmental of the decisions others make and the situations other people are in.  Like there is no margin for error. Like we all have to get it right the first time. Like people should be able to fully control their lives and stay out of bad situations. Unless it’s happening to them, then it’s someone else’s fault. Why is it always someone’s  fault? Why isn’t that, sometimes, that’s just the way it is- acknowledge it, cope with it,  and keep moving? If it is a result of a bad decision, accept that, do what you can to deal with, and keep moving. Why don’t we follow the advice we tell children and stop worrying so much about what’s going on with other people and just focus on what we are doing with our lives?

Making decisions, thinking for yourself, is not whimsical and there’s no guaranteed outcome (but then, there never is, and don’t let anyone tell you any different).

Does it take some intuition? Yes, of course. But developing intuition is a process we are all capable of. It takes a lot of self reflection. It takes taking time with your thoughts and feelings, away from anyone else. It takes processing. It takes making, finding, a quiet place and then screaming into it as loud as you need to and sitting in the soundwaves, listening to yourself.

But the thing is, it’s yours. It’s your life, and the more you claim it, with your own thoughts and your own decisions, the more alive you are. The more you are utilizing of everything you possess, the more power you have, the more peace you find, the more presence you have. The more you have within you, the less you need from anyone, anything else. And, ultimately, the more you have within you (this includes God living within you), the less you have to lose from around you.

The most important thing we can do for ourselves, for the people we love, for our children, for our country, for our world, is to find our cavern, scream into it and be changed by this. We are the catalyst for change in our lives. We are all we have. I say it all the time because it’s true.

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2 Responses to "Find a place to sit in your soundwaves"

:Rips open popcorn bag, adjusts coke, snuggles into the biggest, squishiest chair available… smiles.:

I’m back!

Ooooh my god Bex. I have missed this so badly. And it’s so so sooo good to be back and soaking into it. This post was long enough I had intended to copy and paste quotes and respond to the ones that I… I don’t know, felt spoke the most or liked the best but I can’t even DO THAT because absolutely everything in here is so rock solid that no piece is better or worse and the unity in it is so sublime.

I want to take this and cut it out and paste it in my brain and memorize it and recite it to myself every time my heart aches this has forever been the cry of my soul from smalltown missouri to Big City New York to Australia and everywhere else the ONE THING that I’ve been trying to show people, the thing I’ve been trying to get them to see, possible, inside themselves.

And you have it nailed oh my gooood you have it perfected.

“We may love people we never marry because we’re never in the same places. That doesn’t take away from the marriage, or from the love. Love is bigger than that.”

Sure, I’m going to go ahead and do this. I love that segment there especially, and so many others in this but starting with that one. If people could understand WHY this is true, get out of everyone else’s context and stop asking fate for their next move and start MOVING with confidence and spirit… ach!

“We are taught, in some manner, to fear this, to ignore this.”

I was watching a TED conference speech by Sir Ken Robinson about children, creativity, the educational system, all kinds of things (I’ll link you to it, it’s a phenomenal and fairly short video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY) and this guy was saying that what we have as a little kid is that nothing is pre-concieved for us, not yet. We know too little about the world to NOT risk being wrong, to not… have a go on the chance that we might mess up as that’s all we have. When we age, we’re taught, we’re explained the world and we’re meant to be paranoid about failure because we demonize ‘being wrong’ or doing it wrong and the result is that we’re all immensely dependant on everything outside of ourselves for our preference, for what we know, for what we even believe is real about even the unabsolutes of the world… It’s miserable isn’t it?

“What would happen if we all made our own decisions? Authentic to our souls?”

Yes! Exactly this! Why is everyone so terrified of this? Why doesn’t anyone even have any idea that this is an option? Because everyone I try to tell this to… they have no idea that someone could even function this way! Bex I LOVE you! THANK YOU!

Also… love the visualization of screaming and just.. resting in the wake of that release. Sitting in the soundwaves. Ahh…

“It’s your life, and the more you claim it, with your own thoughts and your own decisions, the more alive you are.”

“The more you have within you, the less you need from anyone, anything else.”

I’m essentially wordless anymore at this point in the post I’m just astonished at the glory of this. Bex I have been trying to pound this into people for so long and… oh bex I’ve been writing all my life and you make me look so bad with your incredible precision in words at DESCRIBING this truth, the PRIMARY truth ABOUT truth…

Oh wow… (releases a long breath)

I respectfully request to repost this and send it out to my mailing list (only 50 or so people. You’ll get total credit, links to your blog, both of em… all of it.) People NEED TO READ THIS Bex. People NEED this in their hearts…

Thanks so much. Wow. I need another drink.

of course you can repost, i’d be honored

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