My tongue is in my hand…

We will have enough, and it will be okay. Just keep moving.

Posted on: April 8, 2009

Last week, my husband lost his job. Last year, he was laid off and out of work for 8 months. I’ve been sitting on words and thoughts and emotions and I know we’re not the only people here. I know what I’ve learned from last time. I know we’ll be okay. Not because that’s what people say, not because I know anything about the logistics of how we will be okay, but just because we will be. Because we always are, one way or another, it turns out that we are okay. Not just us, all of us. There’s a line in the book” The Glass Castle” by Jeanette Walls where the mom, who is homeless is talking to her daughter. The mom says “It’ll all turn out okay in the end” to which the daughter says “What if it doesn’t?” Mom’s reply? “Well then I guess it’s not the end”.

We live in a society that fears discomfort, challenge, hardship, sacrifice (that doesn’t involve a quick easy high or a lot of money), and the unexpected, but we should not let these things bring us down or hold us back. These are the very tools that can create in us and inspire from us true greatness, character, and friendship; resourcefulness and creativity. These are the things that weed out the superficial and wastefulness and make room for the things that mean the most. These are the things that create the testaments of our lives. And it is our choice as to what that testament will be.

Sometimes things come that render us motionless. Because we’re shocked, or weary, or confused, or scared, or even just too comfortable. We can’t move or don’t want to, whatever it is, we are staying still.

This works okay when you’re six and you get lost in the department store and someone is desperately looking for you, but when you’re older it doesn’t work that way. If we don’t move, we won’t get anywhere.

I got lost the other day when I was driving. I kept on driving, expecting to see a road I recognized, but I just seemed to be getting farther and farther into the fields and two lane roads with fewer and fewer roads to choose from. I got to the point where I began admitting I was lost (I rarely admit this, thinking I’ll always find my way) and this thought came “You’re not lost, you’re somewhere new”. Sometimes just putting new words with a situation makes it a little more bearable or less frightening. My gas light came on at this time, and I heard in my head, these words: you’ll have enough, you’ll be fine.

As I made my way, I thought about how now I know these road names, now I’ve been down these paths, now I am not lost here, I have been here before and should I end up here again, I will have a better idea about how to navigate this area. The more new places we end up, the less foreign places there are to us, and the more we move, the more places we go.

It’s okay to be somewhere new. It’s okay to not know what to do next, to take the long, hilly route. We are all on our own journeys, though we share roads and cross paths, there is no one to beat or keep up with, living is not a race with the living. If it is any kind of race, it is a race against death, to live all we can while we are alive, so that when death comes, our lives keep on without our bodies.

All roads lead somewhere. Somewhere new. Or somewhere familiar. It’s okay to end up either place. It’s okay to make mistakes along the way, even if they’re the same mistakes you’ve made before, the same accidental turn. Because experience counts for everything. As long as we use our experiences to enrich our lives, the lives of others, whatever those experiences are, it’s okay. Just do something with it, learn or laugh, or make someone else laugh, or send out a warning, just do something with it and it’s not a waste, it’s not a problem, it’s just an opportunity to be okay with being human.

We can’t view ourselves through the eyes of others or the eyes of the world around us. We have to develop an internal vision of ourselves and our lives that goes beyond the little picture of our day to day and beyond the rules of the world we physically inhabit, a vision that carries us through, that lends us strength and comfort and acceptance and love; unconditionally. So that we can keep on, so that we are fueled for the journey, so that we can, along the way, offer goodness to the people that we encounter.

It’s okay to do whatever you do or be where ever you are. The trick is, to not be subdued into motionlessness. To not be too scared or too comfortable. We don’t have to have a destination in mind, a mapped route, we just have to move. And if we move, we will get somewhere. And wherever that is, we will be okay. We will have enough fuel for the journey. (This may mean that when we run out of fuel we have reached a place we need to be, even if it’s just until we refuel).

And if we decide we don’t want to, or can’t be where we are anymore, we can just move.


3 Responses to "We will have enough, and it will be okay. Just keep moving."

Very well put. Best of luck.

You sound so similar to my late grand father. With this attitude in mind, you cannot be moved by either feeling, happiness or dismay and become a stable human…

Great to read…

Whooo… you have the spirit. I’m gonna link you again, but first I’ve got to take a breather…

I am SO EXCITED for you Bex. I am thrilled to absolute bits. I am so… renewed to find someone else in this world that UNDERSTANDS what they’re standing on. What it means when you’re a living breathing human being and what incredible power you have in that mere acknowledgment.

You’re going to be okay because you’ve decided to be okay, and nothing in the whole universe can tell you otherwise and Bex the universe itself gives tremendous respect to those spirits. You, fighting hard enough can and you just watch Will COMPEL favors from life itself.

You’ve got all you need. For you, money is not a necessity. You’ll have everything you could ever want and more. I am so happy for you.

… never thought I’d be able to say that in response to a post that started with “my husband lost his job last week…”

I’m posting you two links. They posted consecutively on my blog as the first two posts when I started it back in January 2008, just before I left my little smalltown home of Joplin Missouri for the great unknown in new york city.

You and I are the same in so many ways bex. I think we’ll forever sharpen each other… in what we are. And maybe, someday… the rest of the world could see it too.

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