My tongue is in my hand…

We fight, we break up, we kiss we make up

Posted on: February 19, 2009

Every relationship I’ve ever had has apparently been training ground for dealing with this job. Not the job when I’m doing work, but the back and forth up and down changes. Katy Perry’s Hot and Cold is I think about my company and not about a boyfriend.

My program manager just told me she wants to train me on intakes and assessments and reiterated that they will need more team leaders soon and she wants me to be trained. I’m highly confused about what I need to be doing and how I feel about all of it. One minute I’m ready to go Office Space on the whole thing with my confidence and security zapped into non existance and the next I’m feeling little twinges of hope and possiblity.

I don’t even think they are stringing me along, I think they have no clue what’s going to work from one minute to the next. I think it’s all a bunch of shots in the dark. I don’t know how I feel about work. For some people, this may be irrelevant, how they feel about work. But for me, it’s crucial to my performance and overall sanity that I feel confident and secure and like I’m doing something purposeful. I’m annoyed. And it’s kind of like when in a fit of upset you start throwing out stuff because you got hurt (or perceived a situation in a hurtful way) and then something happens and you’re back with that person and you kind of wish you hadn’t trashed the stuff, but you’re kind of glad you did because at least it reminds you not to be so naive.

Grrrrrr. I got married to avoid all this ridiculousness. (it didn’t work in that respect either, fyi)


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