My tongue is in my hand…

God, Poetry, Tattoos, and Always

Posted on: December 6, 2008

There’s so much I want to write about right now, so so much and so little time.

I heard this today, over and over while worrying about how the bills are going to work out (or not work out) this month- it was: I’ve got this under control, stop worrying, let me do this, let it go, believe me, believe me. I almost felt like I was being told repeatedly like a child who’s not listening. I guess I was. I guess I am.

I’m happy about my poetry blog. I decided it needed it’s own site. I decided I’m just gonna post as I want, there’s really no reason to limit it to once a week. I need it. I was having a hard time today and I kept going back to it (the poetry, not the site) I kept thinking, if I could just be with the poetry it (I) would be okay. I have said this to myself before, but writing has probably saved my life over and over, time and again. Not just the writing, but what happens when I write, what I find, what I hear, what I uncover, what I create, what I say, everything, all of it. Saves me. And I think that matters, if something is enough to save someone, then it’s enough. And I need to feel like it’s enough. It’s enough to write it, to type it, to create it. That in itself is enough, how it changes me is enough.

Belief: I’m considering permanantley marking my body with belief…somewhere discreet and small. It is so hard earned, I want to commemorate the battle. Not because it’s over but because it’s never over.

I’m trying to focus on now. I wasn’t raised with now, I was raised with always. We are always this way. We always live here, we always work here, we always go to church here, we always go to school here, we always have, we always will, we always do. Other things change around us, but we always do these things. And my life is not always, that is no one’s life anymore. So now, now I live here, now I work here, now I do these things and later I will do other things and work other places and live other places and that’s okay. That’s fine. There is something within that can hold steady while everything else changes. I just have to figure out how to do that so it will be okay.

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