My tongue is in my hand…

If you give me options A and B, I will most often come up with C.

Posted on: October 30, 2008

I’m a mediator.  I have been for as long as I remember. I don’t usually take sides wholeheartedly.  When I take a side or make a decision, it’s usually with conditions or adjustments.  I like to combine theories, techniques, theologies, stances, viewpoints, genres, subcultures.  I like to identify the similarities that run through them because they are the similarities that run through us, as people.  I don’t like to be pigeon holed, I like to create.  I like to decide for myself through examination, exploration, consideration, and of course, experience, allowing for trial and error, allowing myself to change my mind, or revisit an idea, adjust a belief.  I like seeing the different sides and communicating between.  I like finding common ground and problem solving, developing agreeable compromises, helping people see that lots of times it’s how something is being communicated or acted upon that is the problem (often the issue of an argument is not the root issue, but is just a product of the issue), and if both parties are willing to step out of their bubble, it’s satisfying to see some movement towards acceptance, if not agreement. It’s a believer thing, believing that’s possible.

I am, more often than not, a dissenter.  And I was thinking these traits were conflicting, but really, they go together well.

It definitely has an adolescent aspect to it though.  I’ll sometimes find myself choosing something just because the people choosing the opposite are annoying me by trashing their opponents. I will refuse to watch a tv show if it’s advertised too much.  I instantly doubt the likability of someone that everyone gushes about.  And the more I’m told to do (blank) the more I think I am not going to do (blank) because I don’t need you to tell me to do (blank), I will do (blank) if and when I want to do (blank). The more a large group of people likes something, the more I think I may not.  I think it usually has to do with the group that likes it though.  If it’s a group of people I respect, I’m more likely to feel positively towards it.  But that just makes sense.  So if you tell me something, and I do the opposite, that may be a sign to you that I don’t really respect (or didn’t ask for or desire) your opinion on said thing (but it may not, there are always variables).  That’s common sense too.

I think I mainly hate when people get so caught up in what they are told that they don’t take time to figure out what they think.  Like really think, like gather information and think.  When people are so far one way or the other, it comes off ignorant to me, and it really doesn’t matter what it is that they are so one way or the other about. I don’t think everyone should be ambivalent about everything, there should be passionate beliefs that drive us, but that doesn’t mean that there can’t be acknowledgement and respect and willingness to examine and re-examine the belief systems we carry around in us.  I think, if we are honest with ourselves, we can see the other sides, and note the underlying connector, our humanity, and what that means and the options it opens for us.

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