My tongue is in my hand…

The Question and The Shaft

Posted on: October 22, 2008

Everyday, there’s this question in the air – what part of my life will get the shaft today?  Finances, housekeeping, motherhood, work – the paperwork, work – the people, school, husband, me (mind, body, spirit, etc), friends, extended family, my writing/creativity…?  Most often, it’s more than one thing, though it’s never everything and never nothing.

This world is at best, ridiculous to live in and at worst, unbearable.

I just want to be the girl in the sunshine, windows to the west and north, mirrored closet doors to the east, panther blue wall, dream catcher hanging, laying on my great-grandmother’s quilt; peaceful, grateful, joyful, confident and not because I hadn’t been fearful, angry, bitter, and anxious, but because I had and I made it through. I want to be that girl again. That was a prayer last week.

And I carry it over to this one.

What I heard was: Then be the girl in the sunshine.

It’s about not subscribing to the world; general practices and thoughts.  It’s really about belief, not being concerned with planning and bills and jobs and the future, not worrying about possible tragedies and prevention tools.  It’s about trust.  Choosing trust.  Trust isn’t earned, it’s chosen.  We choose to trust or believe. The question I heard the most during that time, the time before was – Do you trust me???

It’s really the same question now.

Maybe it’s the only question.


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