My tongue is in my hand…

Eeenie Meanie Miney Mo

Posted on: September 30, 2008

I was thinking, when things don’t go as expected or wanted or hoped, we often become the “victim” of our life’s circumstances.  This is dangerous.  It’s fine to say, “This sucks. I’m hurt, pissed, confused, scared.”..etc.  Because you are those things and that’s okay.  It’s never not okay to feel how you feel.

And often, the quicker someone validates those feelings the quicker you can feel that you can move from them instead of just wanting someone to get it and witness this trainwreck that you, though battered, have survived.  When someone says:

“yep, that’s a trainwreck, that sucks”,

you can say,  “Yea!  It is!  Can you believe I’m still here?!?!”

Instead of someone saying:

“Well, it’s not that bad.”

To which you say: “Are you kidding?  Look at this!”  And go on and on trying to convince someone of why you have a right to feel how you feel and keeping yourself in the wreckage as a means of proof.

So, validation makes it easier to move on.  We should validate one another as an act of sheer humanity, but we should also have within us the means to validate ourselves or to seek it in divinity because humans don’t always act with the humanity we need from one another.

So then, once validated, you can stop focusing on the trainwreck and it’s horribleness and you can maybe start to see that you’ve got more control than you’re giving yourself credit for.  And for many things, you are where you are because you chose to be.  Not that we choose the specifics, because really we don’t, or can’t.  But when we make a choice, we know that there are a variety of things that could happen within that choice.  So, when we choose whatever we choose, we choose all the possible outcomes, even though we are often hoping for a specific one.

The thing about choices is that you always have them.  Most importantly, the words we choose to feed ourselves and others.  Those words shape everything.

And choosing is constant.  Every little moment is choosing.  It’s not a one time deal.  It’s over and over, which can be tough. But, the upside is: it’s over and over.  There are countless opportunities for it.

I think that’s a good thing to remember when your sitting in a trainwreck; that for every opportunity you have to make things worse, you have an equal opportunity to make things better.  And, should you realize maybe halfway through your day (or week, or life) that you haven’t exactly been choosing the “better” option, well, you have dozens of opportunites right there to start.  Which of course, is easier said than done particularly because old habits are hard to break and no matter how much we say we want change, we often like our comfortable little trainwrecks that we have gotten kind of cozy with.

I mean, say you never made it out of the trainwreck, but while there you kind of made it work Tom Hanks-Castaway style.  Even though you know there’s more out there, it may be hard to leave once you’ve become accustomed to your little trainwreck(or plane wreck). Well, you know, good job on surviving, because some wouldn’t, but why settle on solitary survival?

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