My tongue is in my hand…

Things I thought about today:

Posted on: September 26, 2008

– I need a lot of time alone.  At least two hours at the begining and end of each day.  Preferrably more at the end (maybe 3 or 4)

– If you keep saving people, being their “only thing” holding them up or together, then you are robbing them of the ability and opportunity to develop something bigger and better within themselves and their life and you are anchoring yourself in (percieved) responsibility for someone else’s life and well being.  This turns out badly for everyone.

– I still don’t know about my ability to do my job.

– I began to realize that I actually do feel like a grown up, not because of the kid and the house and the job and the husband and the degree, but because I am seeking and enjoying challenges and opportunities for self-expansion over being concerned with being percieved as “good enough” by and for various people or situations.  Allowing and accepting flaws in myself, I’m freer to indulge in challenges instead of running from them because it’s okay; whatever happens, it’s okay.  That feels grown up.  But I’m still scared to death about work stuff.  I think that falls in a different category because it’s related to $$.

– I’m pretty pissy when I have a lot of stuff I want to write and develop and don’t get a chance to.  (Hence all the time needed alone)

– What I heard today was “Don’t I always take care of you?  Don’t I always provide?” Which lead me to thinking about the word provide.  I think sometimes we forget that provision not to our standards or expectations is still provision.  We overlook too many provisions because we are too accustomed to having so much and how and when we want it.  But provision is there, it’s all in how you look at it.

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