My tongue is in my hand…

Unhappiness; my writings; addiction scapegoating

Posted on: June 17, 2008

I think one source of unhappiness, possibly the biggest source, is believing that we need something outside of us to make us happy, or believing that we need more in our lives when so often I think we are throwing a Dorothy, wanting to be anywhere but the life we’re in, getting somewhere else, only to realize all we want is what we already had but couldn’t appreciate until we couldn’t have it anymore.

I do so much thinking (or writing in my head) when I’m driving for work, but by the time I get to typing it out, or even writing it down, my brain is on overload and I can’t possibly write down everything I had created…that’s probably one reason everything comes out it poems, it’s the condensed version

btw I’ve submitted poems to 3 online poetry magazines so far and have a list of probably 10 others…so that feels pretty good…it actually kind of carries me through, focusing on what I want to do with writing

I hate what I found out last night about one of the people I’ve been working with and treating for bipolar…10 year meth addiction…I had no clue, but it all makes much more sense now it terms of why she was not getting any better, she hid it for 9 years though and was able to hold her life together so it’s not like I’m the only person who didn’t know, it’s still a betrayal, I doubt so many things she’s told me and wonder how often she’s manipulated the mental health issue as a scapegoat kind of thing…and can’t approach it with her right now because my source of info does not want her to know she knows in the state she’s in…substance abuse is harder than mental health alone in terms of treatment to me…

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