My tongue is in my hand…

beyond the obvious

Posted on: January 24, 2008

I think, there are people that we are drawn to. People that stick with us our entire lives whether we see them regularly or not. People that we respect and admire. I think sometimes these are obvious people, people that we would expect to be drawn to, people that occupy certain places in our lives: parents, grandparents, siblings, childhood friends, “best” friends, people from church, roommates, significant others.

It makes sense to be drawn to these people, to feel connection, to have your lives entwined. It makes sense to spend time with these people, to talk about them, to make decisions with them in mind, to go out of your way for them. They are important, and no one would deny that or challenge that.

But then, there are the people that are not relatives, are not significant others, not lifelong friends or roommates, not someone you’ve held hands with in prayer circle week after week. They are a co-worker, a person at a store, a friend of a friend, a client, an acquaintance, a classmate, a group mate…they have no conventional right to take up more than the alloted space allowed in your life for people who are not part of the first group, the obvious. They may not even acknowledge the connection, the draw.

But once you do, it’s a done deal. That person stays.

Sometimes that person stays quietly, calmly. That person crosses your mind, you drop them a line, you recall something about them, you see something that reminds you of them. You could easily spend time with them if you had it to spend, but should it never happen again, it’s okay, you understand, you’re not obvious. Then, there are the ones that stay with an insistence. The ones that may shape a decision, the ones that we miss, long to engage with, the ones we may try to pull towards us. We wish there were places for them in our lives. But, they aren’t obvious.

The thing is, I think these people hold keys for us, and us for them. I think we have spaces to fill for one another. If we just ever had the chance, if we just ever took the chance.

I think there are some people that help us to see ourselves more clearly, that help us to be ourselves more sincerely, and that have within them something that draws us in, something in which we see a reflection of ourselves, but is at the same time different enough that we need to know this person.

Sometimes, I think we just want to solidify the connection. Sometimes we want to use our knowledge and experience to lift this person, to guide this person, to enrich this person. Sometimes we want them to lift us, guide us, enrich us. And sometimes, it’s all three.

I think, we only have to be open to allowing people who aren’t obvious into our selves and our lives, allow them to become entwined in us, allow for the exchange, allow for the connection, allow for the unconventional.

Allow for being moved, being broken, being lifted, being challenged. Allow for being drawn upon, allow yourself to draw from others.

What we possess within ourselves is limitless, we just have to realize it. And we just have to be willing to utilize it.


1 Response to "beyond the obvious"

Hey Becca,
it’s so good to hear from you. I would love to chat some more and catch up. Email me at I hope you’re doing well. Later.

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